Had a friend commit suicide last night… what to think is my question.
I have never condoned such an act. I think suicide is the worst way to go simply for what folks are left with. The questions, the anger… this cannot be what you want people to remember of your life.
I too have been at the end of my rope, and whether out of fear or strength, I passed on the idea of committing suicide. I won’t say I haven’t thought of it, haven’t we all? But where does one truly have to be to actually call the death switch on their own existence. I imagine it has to be a pretty sore place.
For my friend, I would never have guessed in a million years he would pull this stunt. He came off as a proud, confident and almost invincible human being. He leaves behind a large beautiful family and many friends. I wish I would have had a chance to tell him before he left.
Find solace in yourself. There are more answers than you could ever come to realize. And there is always more than one way to pull a trigger. Though we face difficult times, let us now feel alone or withered. God still stands by our side. Keep your face to the wind and your dreams alive. One day, we will rise.
I recently posted my frustrations of the waiting game, and decided I was tired of it… so gear up! Its time to move on! The lag time has given me time to think and offer some new thought to my otherwise dead inspirations. As an artist, I go through times of desperado trying to find new ideas, inspiration, or even lyrical madness; pushing for some kind of creative euphoria. The times have been bleak for such emotion when searching for excitement. But changing my perspective may have been the one thing I was missing out on.
Recently I have decided to move in a different direction. Letting things come to me rather than chasing them down… and although they have been slow times, I’ve have had quite a few wonderful new experiences. It has shown me exactly where I stand in the industry we so fondly refer to as the “Indie” Industry… Building a Reputation isn’t as hard as people daunt it to be.
The rumors have spread and I find myself sought after by a small but eclectic crowd… which feels nice. Realizing that folks are “missing” your performances and your talent makes you wonder why they think you have gone away in the first place. You think to yourself, “Where did I go?” and then you realize… you had given up hope. The New Economy has put me in such a state of mind that I have learned too, as well as most of the folks around me, there is no major hope for ever becoming financially stable. But in this thought, this cannot mean that we stop our endeavors though, does it?
So, with a new “realistic” sense, I am driving forward into the unknown of my own destiny and search everyday for guidance from above and from within to simply seek what I can control and enjoy all at the same time. I guess its not for me to say whether or not I will be financially successful… as long as I have enjoyed my journey I will reap a benefit.