There is much to be said about the signs and wonders the universe shows us. There is also something to be compared when you take a good look at how the changes affect the physical state of our world as well as the emotional state of our existence. Recently we had the 3rd of 4 major eclipses we will experience within a small amount of time called the tetrad. It is a part of a rare sequence of four total lunar eclipses that started in 2014 and will complete at the end of 2015.
It says in much readings to take this time as a time for reflection to let things go and accept change in our existence, in our lives, jobs, and/or families and relationships. I have had much change and reflection from the second eclipse which happened on March 20th to now. There has been fallen friendships, lost jobs, and even a major change in my sprituality and beliefs. I am moving very quickly through a transition that I am not completely aware of yet and even though it is a precarious place I have found myself feeling quite tribulated by the thoughts of what will be my personal loss and my gains.
I took a day to rest. I did nothing but read, sleep and watch a few shows. I did not ponder on chores or responsibilities. I did not strife on things to do. I simply existed. It was quite nice really, allowing my mind to tend to it’s wanderings with no regard of where it may end up. An afternoon nap even brought on somewhat fantastical dreams as I put no restraint on the plain it might land me on. As I later browsed my facebook page I saw many posts of success, posts where I saw how much people have grown and changed and had reached a place of fruition they had been striving for. I pondered whether I would find closure to the things that have been massing around me with little to no change and hovering a deep loom of doubt over my head. Then…. I left this writing to be a draft. I did not hit publish and allowed time to shed some light on all the things I was waiting on. I wanted to see the change happen before I let the open arms of doubt and fear swallow me up. There is nothing that feels worse than going back in time to see when you were complaining only to be on the other side delighted that things worked out as well as they did.
I began this writing around the beginning of April, it is now the eve of May 20th. I have been in wait for several things in my life to show a glimmer of hope. I have been looking for a new career or “job”, dealing with financial issues that never seem to end and growing extremely aware of my distain in my choice of residence. There has been much clatter in the home of things on the horizon, or chances of greatness, but alas, nothing has been revealed. Until this last week. Though many opportunities we look at through our lives with hoping eyes, we find that they were merely a glimpse of what could have been. I have learned close hand not to place all of my eggs into one basket. And needless to say, I still find myself holding on to thoughts, dreams, and ideals that in the end never became mine. But today, and for the past week, it has been different.
Have you ever seen a home and had that gut feeling that it was yours? Have you ever taken a car for a test ride and knew whatever may happen, that you would be driving it off the lot? Maybe you meet someone and absolutely know that it will end up being your best friend for life. It’s a sort of sixth sense. A kind of instinctual feeling that is hard to describe. It can be over basic things or over more complex things… but when you know, you know. Maybe you have had this opportunity and maybe you haven’t. But for those who have had that type of feeling about something or someone, you know exactly what I am talking about. It’s like looking at a man or woman who you know is your future betroved before you even know their name. I have had several of these instances since the beginning of the year 2015. They have happened about my lifestyle, my friends, my relationship, my children, my jobs… it seems everything in the universe has been screaming at me to pay attention. To watch and learn. I have had that feeling that something was about to change me forever as a person. Something was about to come into my life and absolutely diminish everything I have been and recreate my entire existence. And although I felt it was one big thing, I am starting to realize…. it was a whole bunch of little things.
Once in a while something happens in our life that drastically changes the way we think, act or react. I have been tested in so many ways in my life time. But through the last few weeks I have been put under a life-changing microscope that was there asking me to determine exactly where I stood. There was no studying for this test. Only questions and I had to give my answers as quickly as I could. I had to act, react or think using only my instincts, my past experiences, my faith and most of all, my character. Some of these tests I passed so exponentially that I was completely surprised by the outcome. Then, there were some that the way I reacted or performed caused me to question my own personal motives in life and reconsider who I was. I felt as though I were spinning in a washing machine with a every personal trait I had never quite perfected and didn’t like. I was being washed of my perfectionist issues, my pride, my anger, regret, fears, and worse yet, my own pitiful lost self. It was an amazing time of reflection. I was going through dirty laundry that I didn’t even know had not been taken care of! But, to move forward and to accept change, we must let go of the things that hold us back. We must be determined to allow ourselves to grow, change, and be altered by the wonderous things that God had in mind from the beginning. There is much reason to hold on to our experiences for the basic human reason of feeling accomplished. But, when we let go, and let God… some pretty amazing things happen. First and Foremost, Our Transition from Flesh to Spirit.
I know that there will be many more periods of time that offer change and transition. But for now; I am content simply reflecting the whirlwind I just went through. Well, honestly, what I am about to walk away from. I started a new job that holds much promise of the financial stability I have been longing for for years… I am looking forward to seeing what this new wave of change will bring my life, my family and my soul. I have been given the opportunity to move into a home that is literally next door to my studio. As I simply do not have the funds now, I wait on the Lord to open the door to allow me to get into it. There are still alot of “ifs”, but, I feel that I am on the right path for once in a long time. And that is something to hold on to for me. I have grown through several relationships these past few months too! I have gained and lost friendships and have experienced my own rath. I have been pruned again. My branches are tender and ready for growth. I now pray that the good Lord tends to my brokeness and allows me to continue grow and experience all this life has to offer.