I’m in trouble… I’ve been waiting on the Lord for something to change and that something is not changing at all and I’m afraid I have put more trust in this idea than in God’s hands, now awake in the middle of the night, stressing horribly. Sick with anxiety… not sure of what’s next for me, but unable to make any type of move at all. Seemingly stuck with no path and starting to suffocate… I pray.
oh Father! Do you not hear my crys! Do they not howl on the winds of the desert? I’m alone and afraid. Where are you and what do you mean to show my heart thru this strife? Where are you taking me? I have been faithful and steadfast in looking at you for everything my soul needed and now as I am most thirsty you fail to answer me! Why do you leave me dry and abandoned? Cold and weary. Why don’t you move the mountains I seek to traverse. Why have I lost my way? I beseech that a guiding light be laid at the feet of the faithful and for me your true servant and yet you have left only moon rays to find my way. A dim night in which my turmoils lurk in the dark and shadows linger to devour my wavering soul. Have you tossed me from the flock for the wolves? Have you found no more need for the wretched in your works? Do I have so less of little to offer the building of the bride while she waits for the bridegroom? My lantern oil is full and I sit patiently for the groom. Be still my heart as it leaps from my chest with each new rustle in the shadows. I believe my Lord is coming for me and yet I have waited so long. Was I not prepared? Was I not longingly waiting for my bride groom. Did I fall to sleep as I waited? Has he skipped over me in my unpreparedness? Did I fail you my Lord? Why have you let me lie here in wait? Where are you? When will the new morning break and the earth bring forth your will that you put in place back when I was not yet even a seed in my mother’s womb? When will your kingdom come to past? Why must I be so tired and lonesome in the dark. Have I not done of your will so that you have cast me from the iron as a thistle in your foot? I cry out for your hands of mercy to heal me. I am weak and I need your love to free me! Be my strength oh Lord, my God. You are my only hope and your promise has never failed me! It’s my desire to follow you forever. Does a child refused by its mother stop trying to find love? I beg of you to give me the promise you have desired for me. Even if the plan you had laid out for me was death, I pray it will come quickly while I sit waiting on milk and honey. I only have so much mortal patience within me. Open my eyes so I might see the works of the Almighty happening in front of me without straining. I am a bitter old woman who has lost their sight and wains on you to restore her hope. Give me the promise of the chosen. Set forth your angels and clear my path as I am too old and weary for any more of this war.